weight loss surgery should be a 4 letter word

I'm not in a particularly upbeat mood tonight.  The gym was hard for me today -- this no eating after 9pm is hard for me today.  But, this very special lady that I work with reminded me that people are reading, and that this journey isn't all about being positive -- this journey is hard as hell.  Sharing the not so great times is as important as the triumph.

That means that I'm not always going to be happy about it.  It's been 6-weeks since I got a paycheck [thank you working for the state (I love my job, so ignore that)], I had a mini fiasco with one of my (ex) employees at work tonight and the fact that this process is so slow is bugging me today.  I've even got hives [this is not abnormal for me, my stress comes out that way, and also by way of my hair falling out].  I already feel different on the inside.  It's not so much a body thing, but I mentally feel different.  I feel....resolute.  I've made this decision, I'm working my ass off (although not so literally apparently) and I don't really have a lot to show for it yet.  Now, I guess this is the way it's supposed to go, but G-E-E-Z-E. 

Then we get to the title of my blog -- gastric bypass, sleeve gastrectomy, lap band.  All of these are 4 letter words to me.  I started this whole process months ago [albeit half-assed] because I didn't want to have surgery.  I mean -- never drink a beer again, as long as I live?? Noooo.  I want to have kids and be healthy and live a good, long life.   Now, I am not knocking anyone who has gotten any kind of surgery, because I get it.  I got lots of literature from Catawba Medical Center about these surgeries.  I understand the desperation. I just don't want it.  I want to do it myself.  I think about doing it, and think to myself 'wow, I will be different.  I'll be empowered.'  And THAT gives me the drive to keep going. 

yes...please.

I get these weekly emails from about.com about weight-loss and exercise, and she seemed to be right on par with how I'm feeling.

'We sacrifice the foods we enjoy, grit our teeth through temptation, sweat and grunt and burn during our workouts. At the end of the day, we're triumphant and exhausted for all our hard work and it feels like we should see something for those efforts, at the very least, a few pounds gone on the scale.
But the scale can't measure everything you're accomplishing and it may be weeks or months before you see significant changes.' [read this lady's article]

No, I am absolutely NOT giving up.  I'm just frustrated today...sorry for any disappointments.

REMEMBER!!!!!!!