It's happened with every girl I've ever met -- they freak out about their bodies. They become complete psychos about every, single thing they put even near their mouths. There is the cabbage soup diet, the Atkins diet, the South Beach diet and the cottage cheese diet. There is phen-phen and ephedra and fastin. Bulimia and anorexia. It's complete and total chaos. I swore to myself that I would never be one of these crazies. I even took it to the extreme and didn't care so much that I became what I am today.
Recently -- between my moments of complete break down and that which is life in general -- I've become obsessed.
This journey is supposed to be about me getting healthy and being a better person. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I want to wear cute clothes. Yes, I want men to stop looking at me like I'm less of a woman just because I'm a big person. But, no, I absolutely refuse, to lose myself on this journey.
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| truth. |
I love that Weight Watchers is about changing a lifestyle. I love that it isn't a diet. I hate what is societal norm -- big macs and upsizes -- the fact that Applebees spinach artichoke dip has 150 fat grams in it. THAT shouldn't be normal and THAT is what I want to change.
I've been freaking out [a lot] about something I read about a guy on a diet/exercise regiment for 18 months who hasn't lost a pound. I think I want this so badly, that the thought makes me crazy. That can't happen to me. I will die. I posted a week or so ago that I don't have a gallbladder thanks to Mr. Atkins. I WebMD myself into a frenzy about things that that could mean. Liver failure, weight gain with it impossible to get off, over tiredness. Ugh.
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| because sometimes you have to remember |
The thing about it, is that I feel better. I actually am beginning to feel better, and that is worth all of this. I just have to remember to not lose sight of who I am...and who I want to become.
Just so you all know, I made my kale chips tonight and they were de-lic-ious.
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| yes |
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