how i came to this realization...

So, since some of you don't really know me all that well, let me give you the preface. 

After messing around in school for way to long, I was blessed with the most incredible job opportunity in the world.  I work with some of the most fantastic people on the planet, and I completely blame them for this overwhelming desire to change.  Not only are they becoming people I consider friends, they are incredibly inspirational in the way that they live their lives.  I mean, their ducks are in order.  At least to me, they are people that know who they are and are proud of who they've become.  That is inspiration.  People waaay underestimate how hard being really content can be.  A good job, adequate resources, health, love and happiness -- isn't that all that is really needed to be truly happy.  

Anyway....[so, I sort of have mild ADD, and following my stories is kind of like those baby toys where you run the blocks around on metal bars, just follow along as best you can.] When I got my awesome job, I still had a finance class and an internship left to complete for my degree.  I took the finance class the fall semester that I started my job, and completed an internship at the James C. Harper School of Performing Arts . But, I still had my job.  So, doing a full-time internship, plus getting as close to 40 hrs. a week that I could, equals Ashley sitting at a desk for 10 to 12 hours a day.  Eating lots of crappy foods.  Add to this starting (for the first time in my whole life) birth control and a really (almost unhealthily so) broken heart and Ashley gained weight.  

Now, already being a big girl, adding that 15 extra lbs suuucks...A LOT.  I mean ev-er-ry-thing sucked.  I was freaking about 'deep vein thrombosis' and my heart was doing weird little jittery things and -- dammit -- I am not even trying to die before I actually live my life. 

So....after crying about how I didn't want some kind of 'gastric altering surgery that makes your stomach a banana [I can not type banana without Gwen Stefani singing 'b-a-nana-s' in my brain]' and the support and jump-start from my co-worker, I started an Ashley-Style Weight Watchers program.    

Ashley-Style means that I can not weigh in with people.  I just can't...and a to talk about my psyche might need a whole other blog, so we won't get into why, just trust me, I can't.  But, I do count points [although not the PointsPlus style, just the old Points system. I may, in the near future, pay the membership fees and get a calculator] [my war with my money management skills also need it's own blog].  And, after starting August 1st and sticking to it until Thanksgiving - I lost 32 lbs.  It felt incredible.  But, my whole lack of will-power thing kicked in over the holidays, and I stuffed my face like a starving hyena and gained like 12 lbs of it back.  And that is pretty miserable.  

And that my friends, is how my war against my body started. I started my healthy eating regiment (I really, really don't want to use the word diet) again on Monday [thanks to my awesome Mom for the groceries] and I went to the gym for the first time today -- I did a mile on the elliptical -- but, I'll save my gym/workout blog for next time...

P.S.

Your responses on Facebook have been overwhelming.  I told my Dad that it gives this a different kind of purpose -- it's not so much desperate as it is I just want I prove that I can do it -- to myself as much as you.  Thanks for the support.  I hope that you understand the encouragement helps so much, and it's awesome to think I have people to actually make proud if I succeed.